Do you believe that there is something after this life?
Have you ever experienced something that you just couldn’t deny that it was a sign from the other side? You knew without a shadow of doubt that it wasn’t a figment of your imagination.
Have you ever been afraid to tell somone of your experience because they might think you are crazy?
I think it happens more times, than people want to admit.
I do believe there is something after this life, but that has not always been the case for me. I had a lot of doubts about death and what happens once you depart this old world, only my experiences would change my view.
See, it wasn’t because my parents raise me as a Christian and sent me off to Sunday School where they teach you to believe in God, Heaven and Hell. That didn’t make me a believer.
I didn’t believe in life after death because the Church put the fear of God in me, by telling me that I must accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. Otherwise, I would be sent to that burning inferno called “Hell”, where I would live out my eternity by being set on fire.
I also didn’t believe in life after death because they told me if I accepted Christ, I would arrive at the pearly gates of Heaven for eternity and I would be granted access. Honestly, I use to have doubts about this place called Heaven, everything white and pure, harps a playing, vibrant colors and golden streets…what hollywood story was this?
I couldn’t really wrap my head around this place called Heaven and a promise of everlasting life. How could I wrap my head around it? I couldn’t see this place except for a fantasy in my mind, nor could I go visit this place and see it for my own eyes…well, at least not yet.
I knew, based on the way I was raised, that I was not suppose to have doubts about heaven and that I should be ready to die at any given moment… but that was not the case. Death frightened me and I was not ready to go to that place.
I’ve had a lot of strange things happen to make me that made me wonder if this place really exsisted or if love ones could connect to us from the other side.
I honestly thought, what if this place doesn’t exsist? Maybe we are just buried in the cold, dark ground, just to rot away…
I know, not everyone goes the burial route. These were my first thoughts because everyone in my family did and I just assumed that I would burried when it came my time to go. I was pretty afraid of the thought of being burried in that dark, cold and bug infested ground…I couldn’t imagine the winter time in the ground. Then I started debating about cremation, another thought that I didn’t care to think of… being burned into a pile of ashes. Let’s just say, these were not the images I wanted in my head. Oh, what was I going to do? I didn’t want to be burried or burned, what other options did I have? Yes, I even have consider a mausoleum. I will just say that the jury is still out on this topic for me.
I had many conversations with my Mom (Grandmother) about death and the after life. Especially, because her health had been fragile for many years. Our family was actually blessed to have her for as long as we did. I remember telling her clearly, that when it came her time to go, that she needed to send me a sign from the other side so I would know she was okay. I told her that I would not be afraid or spooked, that I really wanted that confirmation. She made me a promise that she would when the time would come.
Fast forward to February 2007, she had been diagnoised with colon cancer on top of her many other health issues. The doctors gave her a 35% chance of making it through the surgery due to her weak heart muscle. She still opted for surgery, as she knew she didn’t have a chance of surving without it. She knew her body couldn’t handle anymore, especially cancer because her health had continued to deteriorate. She scheduled her surgery on the day that her mother had passed away a few years back, which we didn’t know until after her death, when we found her mother’s obituary in the family bible. Creepy…
Surgery day, huge sigh of relief! She made it through the surgery! Did it really surprise us? Not really, she had defided the odds so many times with her health. She was one strong lady with a physically weak but strong loving heart.
Now, surgery was over and we felt like we had won the lottery because she made it through! “Not, quite so fast” is what the Doctors told us…”she is not out of the woods yet”.
We would live right outside the ICU door for days, then they told us that she was well enough to go to a step-down unit, another small victory!
There was still a bigger problem that we were going to need to deal with, the results from the surgery. They were unable to remove the tumor and informed us that when they opened her up they found small cell cancer spread all over. So basically, they just closed her back up because she was ate up with CANCER.
We didn’t know where this journey was going to take us. Would she choose chemo or not? I knew we had to accept what ever decision she made.
As I said, she was a very strong woman, she had been in the step down unit for a few days. She was very weak, she started saying to us, “tomorrow, I have got to get up and out of this bed”. That went on for a few more days, until the Doctors came in and told us that she was in renal failure and there was nothing they could do. Those are not the words you ever want to hear. Those words fill you with an undescribable emptiness, you feel hollow, numb and utterly helpless.
Her death was one of the most painful things that I have ever had to endure and witness but at the same time, this is where my confirmation began of a possible life after death.
I never left her bedside and during those last hours of her life, she started lifting her arms upwards and she was reaching out to something, someone. I mean there was definitely something on the otherside connecting with her. You could feel a presence in the room. She was embracing what ever it was and she started calling out family names of ones that had passed before her. There was something very comforting about what I was experiencing in the darkest moments of my life, especially when you have to let someone go. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that she was connecting with the other side and that gave me peace.
My Mom (Grandmother) passed away of February 21, 2007 at 2:21 AM. I was only 39 years old and I lost my best friend, my hero! She had saved me from adoption and gave me unconditional love all of my life. I didn’t know how I was going to move on…but remember I told her to give me a sign that she was okay…
She did, just about a month after she passed, a cardinal started showing up at 11:11 AM everyday tapping on my window. Coincidence?? I don’t think so, I had lived in that house for over 10 years and never did a bird, let alone a cardinal tap on that window, or any other window. That cardinal started visiting me daily, at the same time… the time was 11:11 AM. Now, the more freakish part is that her birthday was November 11th. I also remember that she would always mention how pretty the little red birds where that she watched from her kitchen window. These daily visits gave me so much peace and I looked forward to them everyday…but that was not my gift . Just wait!
The months went on, one by one, I was grieving her death. My sadness grew and I was in a state of depression. I deprived myself of anything that would give me pleasure or a feeling of happiness. I was sad to the depth of my core. I missed my best friend, tremendously, you really can’t describe this kind of pain, there is no words.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve 2017, my first Christmas without her.
Since, I was a child we always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to make it through this.
Then I received the best Christmas gift ever!
I walked down my hallway on Christmas Eve and there it was bright as can be, a heart was reflecting on the wall. Again, coincidence? I had a heart mirror that sat on an antique desk at the end of the hall, it had been there a long time. I had cleaned that area many times, and who knows how many times I walked down that hall and this reflection was never there. It was my gift from Heaven!
Here is the mirror that shined that gift on that wall when I was missing her so much on that Christmas Eve.
Thank you Mom! Your love is still never ending and unconditional even from Heaven. Thank you for the sign and confirmation from beyond.
People may not believe, but I do!
Merry Christmas to all and those that are spending it with Jesus in Heaven!
You’re not alone, you are beautiful!
Love,
The Girl that was Abandon