Battle Lost, Suicide Killed the Demons

Some people have true darkness that lives deep down inside of them, Mitchell was one of these people.  The demons were strong and dark, he could not escape them.  They wouldn’t have it any other way but to take his life.

After I left Sarasota,  Mitchell lost his job shortly after and move back home also.  We were both moving on with our lives and we were divorce a year later.  Gone our separate ways, I still ran into Mitchell from time to time in our town.  We were civil, I had realized that his darkness was bigger than the both of us.

Fast forward 3 years later, I got news that Mitchell had passed away, there were a lot of rumors that he had committed suicide and was found over the toilet.  I was sadden by this news, I knew he was capable of suicide but it was still shocking to hear that he was gone at the age of 29.  He had sub come to his demons and they had won the battle over his soul.

Although, I had a lot of anger about our relationship, I knew I really needed to go to the funeral to say a final good bye and release all that anger that I had been harboring.  So, I contacted his mamma and respectfully asked her if I could attend the services.  I wanted to make sure it would be okay as I knew he had a girlfriend at the time of his passing.  She said “Of course honey, you are the only wife he ever had and you have every right to be there.”  I went to the funeral and my parents went also, even though they didn’t like the way he treated me. They understood it was a mental issue with Mitchell that  caused all of the abuse, they had never witness the abuse, so their memory was of a sweet, polite boy that had resided in him. It was a beautiful military service and he was put to rest in his family cemetery.

Fast forward seventeen 17 years,  both of my parent had passed away and I was responsible for their estate. I was cleaning out their garage, my dad had been somewhat of a hoarder.  When I was cleaning out his overwhelming, jam packed garage I came across Mitchell’s dog tags.  I knew that I needed to get them back to his family.  I did the search and found his mamma as she had moved after losing her second husband to cancer.  I called her and she was thrilled to hear from me.  I told her that I had something from Mitchell that I needed to return to her.  We set a time that I would visit her, but I didn’t tell her that it was his dog tags because I wanted her to be surprised.

I can tell you that this was one of the best memories I have of surprising someone and making them feel extremely happy.  I can’t explain how much joy we both had when I gave her those dogs tags, it was extremely heart warming with tears being shed.

During my visit with her and we talked about Mitchell, she never knew the abuse he put me through and there was no point to tell her then.  She talked about what a good son he was.  She had told me that Mitchell had bought everyones’ Christmas gifts, they were wrapped and under the tree already.  This gave me goose bumps because he died on December 3rd just weeks before Christmas.

We talked about his actual death, she told me that the coroner ruled his death as suicide.  She said they had also found traces of cocaine in his system.  His mamma was in such denial because she told me she didn’t believe that it was suicide and that she thought the cocaine caused him to have a heart attack.  She said that her husband had been the one to find him and he as over the toilet.

So, the rumors I heard years ago where actually true.  It doesn’t really matter because this is a sad story of a family that lost a son and a brother and a uncle.  Mental illness is real, living in an internal prison is real, living in darkness is real, and battling our demons are real and Mitchell was dealing with all of these things.

That evening when I left his mother, she made me promise to come back and visit her.  I attempted about six months later but she had passed away, but the important thing is those dog tags made it back home to the rightful owner.  Rest in peace sweet mamma, you were loved!

Rest in peace Mitchell, you are now free of those demons, fly high.

You’re not alone, you are loved,

The Girl that was Abandon

 

 

 

 

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