Letter to Mommy Dearest

penpicAfter I got the DNA results, I sent a letter to Mommy Dearest to confront her lies.  When you read this letter please understand I was not in a good place in my life.  Today, my words would not be as harsh as God has given me the grace…but this is the truth to the story.

Dear (Mommy Dearest) actually her name,

I am writing this letter to you as you are my biological mother.  Enclosed you will find a DNA test that shows zero probability that he could be my biological father.  This has been a lie that has been spread and lived by your mother and myself.  No one could understand how we felt because of this lie.  If you have not walked in my shoes you will truly never know how messed up you made me feel.

When I met you the story that you told me was that you did love me because you did not know me.  I thought this was a feeling that you might keep to yourself.  You also told me that he had molested you and that I was the child resulting from his molesting you.  Well, I am not the result of your story that you have told.

I only lived this horrible story for 20 years but my Mother lived  with the lies, hurt and deceit of her family for 40 years.  My mother explained many things to me, too many to go into this letter.  But I can tell you that she and I was tired of everyone discussing this behind our backs.  We discussed many times about getting a paternity test, even weeks before her death to put a rest to all of the stories.  

I will tell you this after my mother’s death I ask him for a paternity test and he did not hesitate and it was completed within two days.  

I do feel that you do owe me a list of possible fathers that could be mine.  That is the least you could do since I paid to prove that he was not my biological father as this was the story that you told me and others.  I have had to live a life of embarrassment and disgust because of these lies.  Evidently, you were having sex with other partners.

I will tell you that I would not change the 20 years of pain that I lived and I do not believe Mom deserve the 40 years of heartache she lived.  I would not change my life for anything as your mother gave me everything, she loved me unconditionally and I could count on her for anything.  She was my best friend.

And just to let you know that we had discussed several times about getting a paternity test even weeks before her death.

Only you have the answers and I do believe you owe me some answers as you make me believe I was created from molestation.

I have also sent letters to all family clarifying that he is no my biological father at a zero probability rate.

I will be expecting a response from you with possible names of who my real biological father may be.

Susan

Now, that I am looking back on this letter that I mailed, I realize that I was demanding information from her and she didn’t have to give it to me.  Also, I see that I wrote the same sentence twice in the letter.  This is not a typo above.  I don’t know why I did that, but I must have been trying to make a point that even close to her death we had been discussing this lie that was eating at us and proceeding with getting a paternity test, she was never against getting it.  It was my fear that stopped me in my tracks, maybe if I was clinging to God at that time and trusting him, I would have had the strength to do it.  I stood in my own way.

You will notice in this letter that I refer to my Grandmother as Mother and Mom, that is the only way I knew her.  That is what I called her until the day she died.  She was my Mom, a good and loving Mom that made a mistake of withholding for 19 years that she was my Grandmother.  See, when someone loves you as much as my Grandmother loved me, there is no problem forgiving the person.  That is where God steps in and gives us the grace,  plus she had been a victim all those years too.  Love is an amazing thing, and this woman loved beyond measures.

You’re not alone, you are loved,

The Girl that was Abandon

 

 

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