I must be dreaming, pinch me, wake me up, I can’t really be living this reality. My first 19 years of my life seem pretty normal, my family consisted of a Mom, Dad and Siblings. Pretty normal, huh? Stay at home Mom with a hard working Dad, dinner on the table by 6 o’clock, the only exception was on Sunday’s when we had dinner once I came home from Sunday school, riding the big church bus. Always, a full home cooked meal on the table, that was always delicious, because my mom could cook (that is where I get my cooking skills from today).
Fast forward 19 years, young and newly married, I was so clueless that life could be so cruel. I could have never seen the train wreck that was heading right for me. That locomotive was coming full speed ahead with no warning signals. I had no time to get off of the tracks.
They say when you are dying your life flashes before you…well I died this day, at least who I thought I was died. My entire life had been a lie…
I remember that day like it was yesterday, it will be forever engraved in my mind. I was awoken in the early hours of the morning by noise of fighting next door. The house next door is where I grew up and where my parents lived. That was where my life started, where my family lived… at least what I thought was my life.
Well, that was that was my family that was fighting. I heard yelling and screaming, I heard my name flung around, but I was clueless to what was really going on. The threat was coming from one of my siblings…threatening my parents that they would tell me the truth. This sibling was raging mad, drunk and demanding to get their way with our parents. When our parents didn’t give them what they wanted, they got in their car and fled the scene like a bat out of hell. You would have thought the cops was after them.
See evidently, my parents were the victims of ongoing threats from all the kids from a lie that they were living. Yes, we reap what we sow and they were getting their fair share of what some would call karma.
I would say that I died that day, at least who I thought I was…God rest her soul, because she would never be the same person she was.
I remember it like it was yesterday, that pain, that moment in time, frozen, unable to erase it from my mind. I remember standing in their kitchen, right in front of the broom closet. Those words… can never be erased…those three words, changed my life forever, those three words were…You are adopted.
Now, pressed back against the door of the broom closet, my breath taken away, my chest aching, my heart shattering and my head spinning. My life paused at that moment, it was like my whole life passed before me in extreme slow motion. I was so disoriented; I couldn’t even wrap my head around it. My whole life had been a lie.
Now, that life I thought was mine, who I thought I was, also just abandoned me. RIP sweet girl, your life is forever changed, you are no longer you.
You’re not alone, you are loved,
The Girl that was Abandon