Losing Oneself

Do you ever feel like you are losing yourself from the busyness of life?  I experience this feeling a lot in my life.  It seems like those day to day, mundane task keep getting in the way of my personal priorities and growth.  Sometimes, I feel like I am going through the motions of the day, where I am just existing and not living in the present moment.  I have been experiencing this feeling since about August, this is when I started letting life get in my way of my personal goals.  It has been a real struggle to make time for the things that I feel are important, like this blog story that I have been posting.  I keep making myself promises that I will get back on track, but for some reason I keep breaking my own promises.

Now, I am not doing this intentionally…I have always allowed my life to be interuppted by others, which is not necessarily a bad thing.  My problem lies with me setting boundaries and saying “NO” to others.  I have a strong desire to please others while neglecting myself.

“People Pleasers” are their worst own enemy, I am definitely mine.  People that have a giving heart have to deal with issues like these, also not a bad trait to have but the struggle is in finding the balance.   Sometimes we, I am talking about people like me, get so side tracked.  We get wrapped up in taking care of everybody and everything else, that we don’t have any time left to take care of ourselves.  We lose track of our personal priorities, the things that allow us to grow personally.  All of this busyness gets in the way of our one true self.

I am a work in progress, so I am tying to find that balance in my life and learn to be a little more selfish in order to be a better version of myself.  The problem that I have, is it just doesn’t come naturally to me.

I have a lot of needs, desires, wants that many people don’t know nothing about.  I tend to keep my wants and desires to myself, while subconciously hoping that it will happen.  Sometime a person, especially a person that is a caregiver just wants to be taken care of theirselves but the problem is…no one usually notices that because they seem so strong and able to handle so much.  I have always put myself last and I have always allowed others to do the same…which is something I need to work on.  If we can’t find that balance and those boundaries then we can’t expect anything less than being taken advantage of.  This is where people start to mistake your kindness for weakness but instead we become resentful and start detaching and pushing away.

The sad thing is, I know that I need to blog about my story, it was laid on my heart to write a book when I was turning 40.  I believe the reason this book has been put on my heart is to help others undertand that they are not alone in this big scary world.  If they were abandoned, they are not alone.  The truth is,  we all have been abandon in some shape or form, some are just easier to see.  I also know that writing these blogs release, heal and grow me.

What if my story helped just one person?  What if my story gave hope to just one person who had given up?  If I don’t make this a priority, then I am equally  selfish.   My story, might just help someone else have hope.

You’re not alone, you are beautiful!


The Girl that was Abandon


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