If my life was a baseball game, I already have three strikes so the umpire would call me out and so has society today. Also, you just don’t quit playing the game just because you strike out.
It is really difficult not to care what others think about you, like you are used goods or a failure that couldn’t make a marriage work. Society wonders what is wrong with you, where you last one picked for your team, can you not hit the ball, can you not catch the ball, can you not run fast enough, what is wrong with you and why can’t you win the game.
It is really easy for society to label you as damaged goods, don’t pick up that label! You know, you are better than those labels. If they haven’t walked in your shoes, what gives them the right to have an opinion, do they really think they could do it better? Just because it hasn’t been their failure in life, doesn’t mean they are better than you or they haven’t failed at other things. Society just a stereotypes people who have multiple divorces. I get it, we live in a disposable society and most people take the easy way out. I don’t feel like I ever did that except for my first marriage, let’s just say I was too young. My other two marriages ended because of abuse and not being able to trust. Does God, truly want you to stay in an abusive relationship?
My third marriage, the say “third times a charm”, huh? Not this time, I dated him for five years before marriage, I was committed and our marriage lasted for 16 years. I really tried to make this relationship work. The abuse in this relationship was verbal and mental mainly from his alcoholism. When you marry someone, you takes vows for in sickness and health, but not abuse. So, I struggled with ending my third marriage because alcoholism is a disease.
I have witnessed alcohol destroy families. I have people in my own family that are alcoholics and from what I witnessed, they didn’t care who they hurt to get what they wanted. It is a sad disease, because it doesn’t just harm the alcoholic but everyone in their path.
When I was married to my third husband, I never knew what to expect, what his behavior was going to be like and what I would come home to after work. He was a negative person to begin with, then add alcohol to the mix and it was a recipe for disaster. He was becoming more toxic and difficult to deal with every day and that is not no fun to live with.
I knew I needed to leave once and for all. I went back to have more counseling because we had already separated several times but I kept going back. I wanted to know, that I was strong enough to leave for good and that I would not fall back into his manipulative ways and promises full of lies. During my counseling session, she shed some light on what does “Till death do us part” mean…she said “what about a death of a marriage?” She said “God would not want you in a unhealthy and abusive relationship”.
Those words, helped me move pass my vows I had taken, my marriage was dead and had been for 6 years prior to me finally leaving for good. I know the exact day that this marriage ended, it was February 21, 2007 the day that my Grandmother (Mom) passed away and he walked out on me, death really did play a role in our parting ways. It was the death of our marriage.
You’re not alone, you are loved,
The Girl that was Abandon