I have had my share of relationship and marriage failures. I am still debating if I will ever get it right. I am not looking for perfect, because in a relationship it is 50/50 and I’m not up for the job of perfection. I am also not looking for that happily ever after, the fairytale, Cinderella story.
One day, I was talking to my hair dresser and telling her that I was struggling yet again with another relationship. I told her people would probably think I was crazy because after three marriages, I would still consider marriage in the right situation. She told me, I don’t think your crazy at all, she said I like being married but not necessary did I like who I was married previously to. Wow, the light bulb went on at like 100 volts of electricity, when she said that it made perfect sense to me.
Looking back a few years ago, a friend was telling a group of us about how she had been married a few times and that she was the ‘Woman at the Well”. Prior to hearing that, I never had thought that about myself being the “Woman at the Well’. But, I did what most people do! I picked up that label that was bigger than life and slapped it right on my forehead for everyone to know that I had several failed marriages and I too was the “Woman at the Well”.
There is such a stigma in society about people being married several times. I don’t think anyone gets married thinking “Oh I will do this for a little while and when I get tired I’ll get a divorce. That was not my intentions, I was looking for the happily ever after ending.
My first marriage, I got married way to young at the age of 18 years old and right out of high school. I thought that was what I was supposed to do, settle down and have a family. Most of the women in my family, did exactly that and I thought I was to follow in their foot steps.
I was so young and naive, I was clueless what I was getting myself into.
I knew before I said “I do” that it was a mistake.
My family didn’t have a whole lot financially and they had planned this wedding and spent money on it, how could I ever tell them I had changed my mind. Getting married was defiantly a huge mistake! As time passed on I didn’t have those “In Love” feelings. I was starting to feel like I was married to my brother. I really didn’t have an attraction for husband at this point, either. At that young of an age, I kept thinking…one day when I am 40 (which I thought was older than dirt) I am probably going to wake up and leave this marriage but it didn’t take me that long, it was more like 4 years.
I divorced and then started living the life of a young person, I had fun, hung out with friends, went to parties, bars and had just a good time. I was living the life I should have been living when I was married. Some people call it sowing you wild oats.
I got married two more times, and those where two of the most difficult and abusive relationships I have ever been in. I don’t really think either husband thought I would ever leave, that I would keep putting up with the abuse day after day. They thought they had control and could manipulate me.
There is such of a thing as being abandon in a relationship, you can be together and the person can still abandon you because they are not investing in the relationship, not paying or giving attention to their partner. Some people are very selfish too, that affects a relationship tremendously and if selfishness takes the front seat, you are on a dead end road. Relationships is a partnership of 50/50, there is no room for “I”.
The one thing I have realized is that I don’t need to let society define me, nor do I need to let labels to become who I am. I have been abandoned in relationships, it has not always me that walked out. They had left a long time prior just not physically.
I have ripped that label off of the “Women at the Well”, it is not for me to wear. My story is different than my friend’s story and your story. I will not allow society to make me feel bad and carried that negative label any longer. I am putting the ‘Woman at the Well at the feet of Jesus and leaving her there for him to deal with.
You’re not alone, you are loved,
The Girl that was Abandon
P.S. If you haven’t heard the story of the “Woman at the Well”, you can find it in the manual of life, the Bible.