The Raging Storm of Abuse

The  hurricane hits landfall, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is full of uncontrollable rage.  Some days, I was living with Dr. Jekyll and other days Mr. Hyde came to visit with a vengeance.

Don’t let anyone fool you, anger issues are real and when they get out of control they can lead to physical abuse.

My ex-husband, Mitchell was a recipe for disaster, there was a storm of demons brewing inside of him.  The failure of losing his first job at the newspaper depleted is self worth and confidence.  The demons he was battling are the strongest demons I have ever seen.  He definitely was in his own prison and he was the only one that had a key to release himself.

The fights started and I don’t know remember what they were really about but they were extreme and lead to physical abuse.

My first dose of abuse was fairly soon after we moved to Sarasota.  We had moved into an apartment complex that was brand new, no one lived across the hall from us.  On this day, Mitchell would try to put me in my place, I didn’t see if coming…I had only known of physical abuse but had not experience it.  The fighting commenced, I didn’t back down, I held my own until he made his move.  Mitchell literally threw me out of our apartment, head first and into the door of the apartment across the hall.  Every time after that, incident when I left that apartment I was reminded of what to expect if I got out of line.  There was an indention in that door from where my head hit on impact.

I observed changes in Mitchell’s behavior throughout our marriage, he had told me stories that I don’t know if it was true or fictional.  I can tell you this, I do believe Mitchell had experience something in his life that created these demons.  Don’t get me wrong, there was the soft side of Mitchell too.

I had often wondered if Mitchell had been brained washed when he served in military service.  I won’t mention the branch he served in but I can tell you that when something would come on TV regarding this branch of service, something would come over him.  You could see Mitchell immediately change his behavior.  He would immediately go into a power mode and buff his chest out, start saluting the TV.  It was definitely an alter mental status when this would occurred.

Mitchell had told me that when he served, he was a sniper.  He had told me how he was ordered to kill, families, women and children.  I don’t know if there was any truth to this but if it was, this would explain a very large demon he was battling with.

The other thing that Mitchell told me was that when he was oversees in the service that he had taken real steroids from a ape and a bull.  He said it was easy to get those types of steroids in the South Pacific countries.  Mitchell also had a tattoo on his shoulder blade.  He said it was done with bamboo needles and it was his name written in kanji.  I don’t know if any of his military stories are true or not but I have done some research on the use of steroids and that would answer a lot about is aggressive and abusive behavior. Think about it, you would be putting real animal hormones in your body which would trigger animal instinctive behaviors.  Mitchell had also experience drug use when oversees, especially cocaine was his drug of choice.

The other thing about being in an abusive relationship is that no one wants to get involved to help.  I couldn’t believe it that one time the fighting had started again, I fled from our apartment and ran to the mall that was right beside it.  I had no shoes, I was distraught, make up flowing down my face from crying, blood shot eyes and a runny nose.  I went in the mall to use the phone to call for help; we didn’t have the luxury of cell phones in the late 80’s.  The next thing I knew was Mitchell was behind me, he drugged me out kicking and screaming and no one did a thing, all this did was confirm his control over me.

On another occasion, something trigger Mitchell,  and I was in the a U-shape kitchen with no where to escape.  I was in my nightgown and barefoot.  He rage was so intense that he opened the dishwasher and started throwing all the dishes down on the floor towards me.  I had turned my back to try and shield myself from this minefield of shards of glass flying everywhere..  I finally got passed him and raced for the door but again, at the moment I was trying to get the door open, he was behind me and slamming his hands against it to barricade me inside.  I turn and lean up against that door and within minutes, Mitchell was on his knees crying and begging for my forgiveness.

What triggered his change of heart at this moment?  When I was leaned up against that door, adrenaline running at all time high, I couldn’t feel a thing but my body was responding to all of the broken glass.  The blood was streaming down the door and all over my body.  He was looking in the mirror of exactly what he was capable of.  He switch to caretaker mode, he cleaned me up while begging forgiveness and proclaiming his love to me.

This was not the last time that blood would be shed, but this time it wouldn’t be me.  The things people will do to manipulate is unthinkable to proclaim their love…

You’re not alone, you are loved,

The Girl that was Abandon






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