The Apology 

We don’t get to live a life without pain, and we all have the scars to prove it.  In real life, there is no get out of jail card, or pass GO and collect $200, neither is there a card to escape a life without pain.

We were not created to be perfect and the sad truth is that we have all have been the cause of someone else’s pain.  The majority of time, we are clueless that we have hurt someone because most of the time it is not intentional.   To be honest, I wouldn’t want to see the list of people that I have hurt in my lifetime, because it would scare me to death of just how long that list would be.  I know that most of the time, I didn’t intentionally hurt these people but they still suffered the pain of my actions or non-actions.   No one is immune to this type of hurt; sooner or later we all fall victim to hurt.

Have you ever wondered why someone became distant and non-responsive to you?  Has there been a time that you knew someone was upset with you, but you were clueless to why or what you had done?  If I was a betting person, I would bet that the person had their feeling hurt by you, unintentionally.

Why do we hurt people unintentionally?  We live in our own world, most of the time we can’t see past our next thought.  During most of our conversations we are not listening but thinking about what we are going to say next.  Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our selfish world that we completely forget and hurt people that are very dear to our heart.  Yes, I used the word “selfish”, don’t get me wrong, I not calling anyone selfish unless the shoe fits.  What I am saying, is that we can be so self distracted that we miss the boat.  Sometimes we hurt people with our forgetfulness, they may be going through a really bad time and struggling with life, maybe it is so bad that they feel they are walking through the pits of hell on hot coals.

Do you know what people desire the most when they are walking through the pits of hell, on those hot coals?  It is simple, they have the deepest desire for someone to care enough to reach out with a simple phone call or text.  They just want to know that someone cares and that they are not alone.

Which brings me to my need, to set my own record straight, to man up and say I am sorry to anyone that I have ever hurt.

My Letter of Apology

I apologize to everyone that I have ever hurt in my lifetime, past, present and future. I am truly sorry, that I could not see past myself to notice the hurt in your eyes, the hurt in your words and the hurt in your heart.  I understand that when I didn’t slow down enough to notice your pain, that also hurt you even more.

I am so sorry if you thought I didn’t care enough to reach out when you were hurting.  I am sure that I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and I  forgot.  There is no excuse, but I let myself get in the way which made it easy to forget because your pain didn’t have an affect on me.

 I am so sorry, if I ever made you feel left out, unwanted, unworthy, uninvited and abandoned, or maybe a little bit of all.  This was not my intention, but again, I am sure I let my self get in the way not to notice.

 I am sorry if you were struggling with loss which comes in many forms, loss of job, loss of friends, loss of career, loss of love ones in which depression sets in…I may have actually been there for you initially, but I stopped.  I quit seeing your pain because once again, myself got in the way.  I know that you felt like the world stopped spinning and no one noticed, everyone went on about life like nothing happened, while you were hurting and struggling to make it through the day, weeks, months and sometimes years.  I am sorry that I allowed myself to get in the way and went on living without you.

I am also sorry and  embarrassed for when I wasn’t present because I was living in my own world.  I completely missed something that happen to you and it was important.  It  was sad that someone had to bring it to my attention for me to notice.  Again, I am sorry that I let myself get in the way.

Now, about those times that I lost control and lashed out at you, I wanted to purposely hurt you in the heat of the moment.  I am sorry and it is true what they say about hurt people, hurt people.  I am ashamed of my behavior because being hurt doesn’t give me the right to hurt you back.  I hope you can forgive me.

I truly hope you can forgive me for all the times I allowed myself to get in the way, myself needed a good old fashion spanking because you are really important to me, I love you and deeply care about you.  I know the depth of how that pain hurts because I’ve been hurt.  I would never want to cause that kind of hurt because it is raw, gut wrenching and takes a long time to recover.  All I can do now, is pray that the hurt I have cause will subside and that you will forgive me one day.  Going forward, I will pray to God, that he will help me see the big picture.  I will pray that when myself starts to get in the way again, because it will, God will gently give me a reminder call to be thoughtful, be present and show others that I truly do care.  

It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s not all about me.  

Sincerely Sorry,

The Girl that was Abandon

 

 

 

 

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