The Blind Heart

Sometimes, I don’t know why I am so blind that I can’t see the red flags that are so clearly in front of me. The one trap that I fall into is giving people second, third, fourth and endless chances. It seems like, I don’t know when to throw in the towel because I want to believe the best in people.  The problem is, that I keep getting burned when I give these second changes.  I truly want to believe that the”good out weighs the bad” in this world but it is difficult when the world keeps proving you wrong time after time.

I have often wondered, how different my life may have been if I had seen the early warning signs and took the appropriate action in these relationships that went bad.

My first warning sign after I married my third husband, was when I got a call from a police officer on a Sunday afternoon.  I had spent my day cleaning, doing laundry and cooking while my husband had rode off into the sunset to take care of some errands.  While he was running around town, he evidently got thirsty and stopped at a local bar and grill.  That bar and grill must of had a great “two for one drink special” because he spent most of his afternoon there while I was at home slaving; doing what I felt was my wifely chores and duties…but that was interrupted by the ringing of phone.

On the other end of the phone was the police officer, he was asking if I was the spouse.  Once, I had confirmed my identity he proceeded to tell me that he had pulled my husband over for burning out at a stop sign and weaving while driving.  He told me that he was under the influence of alcohol.  He said that he was going to give him a break because he thought he had just a little too much.  He said that he would give him this unofficial warning, only if I would come pick him up.  Honestly, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing because my husband was suppose to be running errands…I couldn’t believe this was happening, but I agreed to come get him.

Embarrassed of the situation, with a lump in my throat, I called one of my longtime friends and asked if she could come help me out of a jam.   I told her that I  needed someone to drive my car home so that I could get his truck home too.  Of course, I gave my friend the least amount of information she needed because I was trying to save face.

This was the first sign after we had married, but I ignored it and tried to believe the best in him.  This would not be the first or last time that I would give him chances, it happened many times in the marriage.  I guess because of my past I didn’t want this marriage to fail and I allowed myself to blindly over look all of the red flags that were right in front of me, plus I loved my husband.  That is one thing about me…when I love, I love hard and all the way.  Also, at this point, I didn’t know that he was developing into an alcoholic.

You’re not alone, you are loved,

The Girl that was Abandon

 

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