The Gift

handsMy Grandmother suffered the loss of another son, but he was almost two years old when he passed away. They believed he died from crib death but this over 50 years ago, when you really didn’t hear the term of SIDS.

This death was rarely discussed in our home because it was so painful. I remember one time asking my Grandmother if I could have a party, not knowingly that the day I asked about was the anniversary date of his death.  She had a jerk reaction, but simply told me know that it was the day he died on that date.
This  is the story of his death as I heard it… he was fine before bed, that he had a record player that had been broken and it was repaired that night and he was dancing as babies do.  He was happy and holding onto the coffee table just a bouncing away, up and down.  There was no indications that anything might be wrong with him.
 When his Dad got up for work he checked on him and he seemed fine.  When my Grandmother got up she did her usually few things like using the restroom and got coffee then she knew something was strange this day.  She said by the time she would rustle around in the house when she got up, her baby boy would wake up and stand up in the crib hanging onto the rail for her to come get him.  He didn’t on this particular morning.  She went over to check on him and found him dead.  She said she ran out of the house screaming to the neighbors for them to call for help as they didn’t have a phone at that time.  I can’t imagine how traumatic and devastated she must of felt.
My parents other children in the home ranged from 4 years old to 13 years old and everyone adore that little baby.  She told me of how it broke her heart  when they had to go get the other children out of school and have to tell them of the loss.   No one, should ever have to experience this type of loss, but happens more than we want to know.  It leaves every one scared for life.
My Grandmother also describe to me how he looked when she found him.  It was so sad and very traumatic for her, the vision that was engraved in her mind a lifetime. She told me how her husband almost had a nervous break down and became very manic depressive along with alcoholism on top of it. My Grandmother lived hell just trying to be Mom, loving her children, dealing with her husband and trying to grieve herself.  I can tell you what I know of her, everyone’s needs came before hers.
Well, fast forward three years, that’s were I come into the picture.  My Grandmother, like I said before couldn’t let me be adopted.  I feel that I was her gift in a painful time of her life, after grieving the lost of her baby boy, I was that gift that gave her hope again and allow her to love and nature another baby.
My Grandmother wrote me a letter a year before her death.  My next blog, I will share with you the letter she wrote me and my response.  I am thankful that God gave me to her as a gift, although she was really my gift.  I believed I help save my Grandmother and she saved me, that’s love.

You’re not alone, you are loved,

The Girl that was Abandon

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