Victim, Not Me

Victim, not me…Yes, if you have been reading my blog you might wonder how I could not feel like a victim.  It is not easy, it is a battle of the mind everyday to not allow all of those bad memories to have a front seat in my life.

I absolutely, positively refused to be a victim of my life and the circumstances of my past.  
It is a daily challenge to choose the highroad over what has happened to me in the past.  Some people say that your past does not define you, I would argue that fact, because if I had not lived through those experiences, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.  I am proud of who I am today, it has been a long road to get here and be comfortable in my skin. I don’t live in shame or embarrassment anymore.
This thing called life is difficult, don’t let anyone fool you that they have a great and easy life, appearances are deceiving and everyone goes through the share of challenges.  You may think you would like to have someone else’s life but I think if you lived it for a week you would start finding the beauty in your own life.
I am thankful, that this life has not caused me to have a harden heart.  I am grateful, that I can still have hope and that I can love and feel love.  I still believe that the good out weighs the bad, and there is a lot of bad!  I am still hopeful of having a good marriage one day because I really do believe in marriage and what it represents.
Some people say take those lemons that life is giving you and make lemonade, I would like to trade mine in for limes and make margaritas on the beach somewhere.  There is something so soothing to the soul as being by the water.  It truly is great therapy to spend time at the beach or on a lake.
I’ve had my share of bad times and it would be correct to say that I haven’t been dealt a fair deck of cards, it seems like the Devil has stacked the deck.  I have been playing this game for a long time and I still haven’t folded my cards and allow him to win the game.
The main reason I haven’t failed victim is because I know that God has got my back.  I have dealt with some deep and dark times and battle with depression but I could never lose sight of my HOPE because if I lost my hope I would lose everything.   The point is, if I lost my hope and faith the Devil would win.  Satan doesn’t get to own my life.
No!  I am a survivor of the pain and agony that I have lived and I keep getting up and brushing my knees off, cover up those bruises with makeup until they are healed and wipe those tears away. I chose to be victorious and not a victim.
I have no secret recipe of how you get through all of this crap, this bad crap, this dark crap, this sickening crap, the stuff that makes you turn your stomach crap, untrustworthy crap, but I know one thing you cannot become a victim of the crap!  I do know one thing, you can’t allow your past to be your focus because it will eat you alive. Just keep going!
I am sure you have been asked  a time or two, “if the glass is half empty or half full?” It’s a trick question, it doesn’t matter if it is half full or half empty.  The point is that the glass is refillable.   Thank God it is refillable because my has knocked over and spilled a few times.
You have got to be able to find the beauty in life because this life is a gift.  When we shift our focus and realize we are not alone it is a beautiful thing.  Go ahead and look in that mirror, I guarantee you there is a beautiful person staring back at you!

You’re not alone, you are loved,

The Girl that was Abandon


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